The #GirlBoss Of The Free World

Man what the fuck is wrong with liberals at the minute?

There’s a rising global death-toll from COVID-19, the looming economic carnage of everyone having to stay at home for months (or not stay at home and then die) and what are the liberals obsessing about? Jacinda Ardern.

I mean, if I was in the United States or the United Kingdom right now I would be looking for something to hope for because it’s pretty grim and dark over there right now. But then again I’m a socialist, it’s always grim and dark when it seems that political control endlessly shuttles between the right-wing and the liberal centre and left-wing ideas are deligitimised and ignored, even as things just continue to get fucking worse.

If I was a liberal in the U.S or U.K though, looking for something to hope for seems ridiculous. They could be spending this time working out how their feckless commitment to liberal centrism led to the installation of right-wing governments and the destruction of what was left of the centre-left. A centre-left that now finds itself trying to regain momentum by diluting the capitalist brutality of those in charge, turning the racism dial up and down while looking at the audience for approval.

But no. Jacinda is wonderful. New Zealand is wonderful. It’s their happy place. Because it’s had a good response to COVID-19. Because it’s got a #girlboss in charge, just like Hillary (except without the war-crimes, but give it time) should have been. It’s a liberal wonderland of equality and fairness and healthcare. For liberals it’s a sort of Disneyland for the world-as-it-was before their deeply un-transformational politics completely failed in the aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis. Except, of course, because this takes place mostly online it’s weirdly, deeply, fetishising and horny.

Don’t bother to look at the absolutely brutal consequences of colonialism that exist to this day. Don’t worry about the poverty. Ignore the fact that despite a mandate for transformational change, the best Jacinda could do is raise the unemployment benefit by $25 a week and absolutely shit herself in public when the capitalist-right opposed the introduction of a Capital Gains Tax. Don’t worry about the armed offenders squads on the streets, or the fact that Māori don’t live as long as white people — especially if the cops have anything to do with it. Forget Ihumatao and the fight for the land which was stolen.

Jacinda Ardern is the ideal leader if you subscribe to a politics that is so micron-thin that it doesn’t even count as personality politics. She’s the perfect answer to all the difficult questions liberals are not asking themselves as the right consolidate their position (like who put all this shit in my pants?!?!?)

She’s the girlfriend who goes to another school. In Canada. But not actually Canada because having spent five-years performing exactly the same kind of dewy-eyed hero worship of Justin Trudeau it turns out he doesn’t give a fuck about indigenous rights or corporate corruption, but he sure does love shoe-polish.

Jacinda Ardern isn’t the answer to your problems, liberals, because you still haven’t worked out what the cause of your problems is. Handy hint? Look in a mirror.

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